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The Great Thanksgiving Pee Scandal of 2009

 I have teenaged granddaughters that are two of the greatest lights in my life.  They are beautiful, intelligent, snarky and funny - so funny that they make me laugh until I'm dizzy on a regular basis.  They do a marvelous rendition of "There's a Skeeter on My Peter, Get It Off" that once upon a time almost made me wreck my car on a backwoods Gaston County road. Because I love them so much, for this story their names will be redacted and they will be referred to as Thing 1 and Thing 2. Thanksgiving of 2009 was pretty much the norm for our family.  All of the kids and grandkids came over and ate everything I made in about 30 minutes.  I had the honor of cleaning up afterwards while they sat around and watched TV, ran up the Pay-Per-View bill, and threw casual and sometimes not-so-casual insults at each other. No bloodshed, thank goodness, though in honor of the day they might have kept the physical violence out of my sight. As the sun began to set, all of the young'
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I Was Humiliated in Hot Topic

 Back in its glory days, before places like JC Penney folded up shop and Dillard's became a clearance center, Eastridge Mall in Gastonia, NC was THE destination on the weekends.  Crowded, hot, and loud; just the type of place I avoided, and still do. Besides, they have escalators which scare the hell out of me. Who ever thought moving stairs were a good idea can kiss it where the sun don't shine. Anyhow.   Quite a few years ago, when my youngest daughter was still a teenager and the middle one was a young mother, they decided that it would be a big old fun outing if I took them - and toddler granddaughter Julie - to Eastridge Mall; a mother/daughter/granddaughter bonding day, if you will.  This would entail loading a stroller in the trunk of my Dodge Stratus for the kid, and taking it in and out depending on how many places they wanted to go.  I don't know why we didn't just strap her in the stroller in the trunk rather than take a car seat, but the I think the words &q
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Stepping Off the Ledge

Not too long ago, I had a dream so vivid and and full of meaning that when I woke, I sat straight up. My subconscious was literally and figuratively giving me a slap across the noggin. I was ascending the side of a mountain, which had very few places to step or grab onto.   The air around me was crisp and I think the sky was cerulean blue.  In an instant, the side of the mountain turned into smooth, glossy granite, going straight up, and I was on a very narrow, precarious ledge. All I knew to do was plaster myself against the side and call for help.  Which I did in a very wavery, whiny voice.  I was a wuss and knew it.  Wuss, hell. I was terrified. And then I was answered. The voice was friendly, reassuring and encouraging.  "Susan! Turn around and jump. We've got you!" I edged around, and there were angels everywhere in the clouds.  The one speaking to me was a dark-haired male.  "Go ahead.  You're not going to fall." He smiled and held his arms out.  Any o
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